Depression is a tricky thing. It’s not as obvious as being outwardly sad all the time. Maybe if it was that simple, it would be easier to diagnose and treat. But no, depression is far more sinister than that. Depression wants you to believe that everything is okay.
Depression can set in slowly. What happens once soon becomes a habit. I’ll get out of the house tomorrow, you say. I’ll get back into the gym tomorrow. There’s always tomorrow. Before you know it, you’ve grown a couch out of your back and know way too much about true crime.
Depression tells you that the things that make you happy will bring you pain. I’ve played this game to death. It can’t show me anything new. I’m not even sure why I like it. Watch this instead, it’s depressing and familiar. I’ve seen this movie so many times it offers no surprises. Maybe I should delete it out of my library, it’s not like it does anything for me anyway. So subtle, smooth, and utterly debilitating, the monster is. It isn’t long before you find yourself in this claustrophobic little ball of sadness, wondering why you can’t smile anymore.
Depression creeps up on me. I don’t know I’m in a phase until I force myself out of it. I was cleared to return to full-time exercise weeks ago (after surgery), but only yesterday, I finally made it back. Sitting here now, writing this and pleasantly sore, I didn’t realize how far I’d fallen until I forced myself out of it.
Depression isn’t always obvious. We wish it was, it would be so much easier to deal with. But if you find yourself stuck in rut, if you don’t want to do things that bring you joy, if habits suddenly feel like pulling yourself out of the mud, maybe take a hard look at your mental state. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with falling flat. Life is exceptionally difficult and brutal right now, no matter who you are or what you believe. Depression is not a sign of weakness. Getting low is a facet of the human condition. What’s important is realizing it, so you can pull yourself out of it.
If you find your headspace has gotten so dark that you’ve begun to believe that the world would be better off without you, please seek the care of a medical professional or a trusted friend. Your mind can turn on you and lie to you. You have people who love you and would miss you. The world would be lesser without you. Darkness passes. Without it, we can’t appreciate the light.
I hope this helps you contend with the darker moments. Thank you for reading.