Neurodivergency and Rage
Photo by Andrea Cassani, Unsplash
My neurodivergence includes Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Depression, Anxiety, and my favorite, Anger Management. Next to depression, this one is my ‘favorite’ because the effects are so debilitating. Migraines set in, my vision blurs, I have a hard time keeping a straight thought and my temper gets extremely short. The good news is that I can recognize my signs, and thus get ahead of them.
Monday morning began with an anger management spiral. This was due to circumstances beyond my control, and as of this writing this situation is not yet resolved. The first thing I did was focused on what I could control. Specifically, the steps I could take to resolve said situation. I accepted that there were certain circumstances beyond my control, and there was nothing I could do about that. The only thing I could do was direct my focus on things within my power and leave the rest to faith. So I did.
Beyond that, I’ve been dealing with rage for almost as long as I’ve been alive. As I write this, I’m still dealing with the rage from the aforementioned situation. But I also know this will pass, as all situations do, and it provided an opportunity to demonstrate how I deal with this affliction. I hope this helps.
1). Give Yourself Space
This is the first and most important aspect of dealing with neurodivergence, and emotions in general. We live in a society that actively discourages men from expressing any sort of emotion. People who aren’t allowed to express their emotions healthily often turn into bombs. The fact is, we are all human, and we all need to give each other space to feel what we feel. No one is “built different”. Emotions are part of the human experience, both positive and negative. They were not meant to be repressed. We feel what we feel; what we do with those feelings is what defines us.
Not only do I allow myself space to feel my emotions healthily, but I have a wonderful support circle that allows me to be myself, even when I’m low. Seriously, if you find yourself unable to express yourself freely with your people, those aren’t your people.
2). Focus On What You Can Control.
A lot of the world’s madness stems from millions of people trying to control that which either cannot be controlled, or isn’t meant to be controlled at all. The fact is, there is very little we can control in our lives, but those few things are the secret to a relatively happy life. Key amongst this is how you react to what happens to you.
The situation that caused me to spiral wasn’t just outside of my control, but they were steps I have taken to resolve the issue repeatedly. One of my biggest pet peeves is cleaning up other people’s messes, which is what I found myself doing.
But I can’t control that. I can’t control what other people do. I can only deal with what’s in front of me. I did everything I knew how, and hopefully by the end of the week, this situation will be resolved. Instead of driving myself further down the rabbit hole by trying to wrangle things I had no chance of controlling, I let go. I did what I could with what I had. I know what I did was my best effort, and then I went on with my day.
3). Prioritizing Tasks.
I manage all of my tasks in a to-do app. Making those lists and striking those items off as I complete them does wonders for my self-esteem. Most days I’m able to accomplish everything on my list, some days I’m not. Today was one of those days.
Knowing you don’t have the headspace to do certain things isn’t a failure. Quite the opposite, it takes a lot of strength to admit that you don’t have the strength to do something. It’s better to push something off, rather than complete something with a half-assed attitude (especially when you’re married).
I realized early that I wasn’t going to accomplish everything in my to-do list. I triaged my tasks; what were the most important things I needed to get done? In this case, it was school and scholarships. Creative writing, however much I may enjoy it, would have to be pushed off. I didn’t want to go back and do a bunch of editing after churning out some crap work. There is always tomorrow.
This is how I deal with both my neurodivergence and anger. I really hope this helps. If you have any tips of your own, please feel free to share them in the comments. Thanks for reading.
Avery K. Tingle, The Gamer Author, is a survivor of child and domestic violence. After a lifetime of monstrous behavior, he is pursuing a Journalism degree from the College of Southern Nevada and the University of Las Vegas. He currently lives in Las Vegas with his wife, Cari, and their two cats, Sydney and Cora.